Men, Women, Lust, and God

There's so much I could say about this.  In editing this blog, I keep wanting to add more,  having to remind myself that it's a blog, not a book. ;)  Here's is just a tiny introduction really to this issue, from my Christian perspective, but I think applicable to people with other points of view too...

Jesus says in Matthew 5,

You have heard the commandment that says, "You must not commit adultery."  

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  

(verse 27 & 28, NLT)

Today the idea of "lust" has been on my mind after a discussion/argument I had with a gentleman the other day.

In his mind, all of the responsibility for controlling lust falls on women and how well they are behaving or if they're dressing modestly.

The opinion he was sharing was not one I haven't heard before.  In fact, it's something that a lot of people spout.  Christians, Muslims, non-regligious, and others alike.  For some of us, the belief is so ingrained and part of our being that we agree with his opinion without even being aware of it.

The idea was first brought to my attention while reading Why Not Women? by Loren Cunningham, David Hamilton, and Janice Rogers.   (Maybe some day I'll actually come back to this blog and edit in some excerpts from this book. ;))

Why do us humans have our "rules" about women?  Why do many Christian denominations insist women cannot be "leaders"?  Why do many Muslims insist women should cover their heads and most of their bodies, some that women should cover every part except for their eyes?  Why do some Mormons think a man can have as many wives as he can afford and/or wants?  Why do men leer and cat call women walking down the street?

Why do some women allow it?  Why do some women even support it or happily go along with it?  Why do even some women argue with me that I'm the wrong one for standing up for freedom for women?

The statement that started the discussion was rooted in the belief that women should dress "modestly" because if they don't, women will cause men to lust after them.  If women would just not dress like "sluts", men could live their happy holy lives with no problems.

But there's something significant in the verse from Matthew.

Notice what Jesus does and doesn't say.

What Jesus does say: "Anyone who looks at woman lustfully has committed adultery in his heart."

What Jesus does not say: "Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has been tricked into committing adultery because the tramp must obviously be exposing too much of her breasts or her blouse is hugging her figure too tightly or some other kind of immodesty."

In English, lust is defined as uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.  Illicit means wrong or illegal, by the way.

My first thought is, I'm supposed to believe that men are such uncontrolled immoral animals that unless a women covers her breasts they can only view her sexually?  And not in a "I love you and I want to cherish you and share myself with you for all my days" sexually but in a wrong or illegal way?  Men have zero discipline, maturity, or humanity?  It's my job as a woman to keep them on track?  (And afterwards, it's also my job to "submit" to such animals?)

I think it's something else though.  It's the root of all oppression towards women.

It comes from an underlying belief that there's something about men that makes them better than women and there's something about women that makes them a commodity or a product for men to use instead of simply another human being.

This goes beyond "roles" or "modesty" or "rules."  And it's a belief so intricately woven into things that men and women alike don't often even see that it's there or the cause of the problem.

The sad part is, that to an extent, women must believe it also, in order, on some level, to allow it to happen.

An then people try to use the Bible or God as support for their argument. They try to justify the surface issue that's actually caused by an underlying belief that women are "less than."   It's ironic that the thought is women have some kind of God given responsibility to be stronger than men in order to keep men from sinning but also must be weaker than men in order that men can always be the "leader," don't you think?

I remember as a fourteen year old, having grown up in a relatively conservative church and family, being told all about how important it is for conventionally attractive (there's another blog in that idea right there ;)) women to help keep men from sinning and to stick to teaching children because women weren't worthy to share any of their knowledge with the menfolk, getting my hands on Christian feminist literature.  I had no idea there was such a thing.

It didn't take me much reading to be blown away.  God made me strong on purpose?  God made me a researcher and a teacher on purpose?  God really is sharing truths with me that he intends for me to share with others?  Men and women alike?

God isn't just a masculine bearded manly father figure up in the sky.  God is a mother hen.  God is an emotional lover and cares about the emotions of others.  God is everything feminine.  God created women in his image because he is also feminine and we show the world his character and power as much as men do.  As masculine and feminine, God rules over all.  Part of himself isn't "in submission" to the other part.  It isn't only his masculinity that is powerful and teaching us.  His femininity guides and teaches us everyday.

It's the fierce unconditional love found in femininity that spurs compassion, understanding, and activism for the abused, hurt, and unnoticed.  It's the desire for deep emotional connection found in femininity that creates family and community.  It's the desire to protect and nourish others found in femininity that allows our children to grow up strong.  And so many more things!

Satan would love nothing more than for those parts of God to be seen as inferior and unneeded.  It is the strategic plan of the enemy to convince the world that women are the cause of the problems instead of part of the solution.  It pushes a large portion of people away from God and it keeps those who stay from living in true freedom, men and women both.

When we insist on the big and even little oppressions of women, we insist on oppressing parts of God.  We insist on doing away with a very important part of humanity.

We end up truly believing that when Jesus said "anyone who looks at woman lustfully has committed adultery in his heart" what he meant was "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has been tricked into committing adultery because the tramp must obviously be exposing too much of her breasts or her blouse is hugging her figure too tightly or some other kind of immodesty."

We end up being so concerned with what women are wearing, saying, and doing and whether it's right that we miss being able to enjoy women and all the great things that God created them to be.

Cool Cup Of Water

Jesus speaking, "This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to
start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice."

~ Matthew 10 (towards the end) from The Message

Been thinking about this one a lot this week since I read it on Tuesday.

Have you been offering anyone a proverbial cup of water?

The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice.

Today I was returning home from work and decided to stop in at a store.  As I was walking back to my car, a man made eye contact with me and I said, "Hello!"

With that green light, he walked over and introduced himself and asked if I would give a donation in exchange for a "positive rap" cd.  I have zero interest in rap music, but was reminded of the cup of water thing, gave him the bit of cash I had on me, and then he began to walk away.  I stopped him.

"So tell me about your music." I began.

We had a short conversation about his life and music.  I learned about his brother.  It didn't seem like much.

As the conversation was coming to an end he remarked, "I can tell you aren't someone who enjoys rap, your'e just kind, but maybe you know someone who would enjoy the cd."

"You're just kind."

A small, somewhat insignificant thing.  Sounds like a cup of water to me.  I guess I'm on my way. (:

A Prayer

Dear-ones, 

This world will try to offer you many messages. They will smell tempting and taste sweet. If you accept them and they are planted inside of you, instead of offering life giving nourishment, they will rot and spread their poison, seeking out all pieces of life inside of you and destroying it in their wake. It will happen so subtly though that one day you will look back foolishly at the person you once were and think the person full of death you are now is better off. Your eyes will become clouded with pleasure and temporary satisfaction. The still small voice that used to guide your heart in wisdom will be drowned out by the sights, sounds, and smells of this temporary fragile place. Your heart will be convinced the voice was a story taught to you by generations past. A made up bed time story meant to help you cope. In your folly, you will deem the grasping at knowledge by a world headed for a collision as truth and toss aside the wisdom of the ages. Your finite brain will esteem itself lord of your own life not recognizing that it once was created and will one day exist no more. 

This world will try to feed you many things. It will tell you that self control is futile and against your very nature. And that this nature should be honored at all times. It will tell you that intimacy and love are subjective and without boundaries. It will tell you that anything requiring internal discipline and denial is not worth it. It will make a strong case for moving on when passion wanes.  It will tell you that pouring yourself out on behalf of others is only worthy when personal gain and recognition come with it.  These are only a few of the lies.

If you believe these things, dear ones, if you let them settle in your heart, they will creep into the rest of your body, they will consume your mind. If you trade the almighty for the temporary, you will only receive the temporary. And the temporary has an end. The temporary has a dark end. It will sink back into the nothingness it came out of. 

You were not meant to end, dear ones. You are meant for much greater things. You are meant to be loved with abandon and to give that love freely in return. You are meant to resist folly and in so doing become strong and wise and full of beauty. You are meant to honor your covenants and find meaning and purpose, in turn honoring yourself and others by keeping your word. You are meant to find strength beyond what you can muster yourself and reach out your hand to the needy, even when you yourself are in need, knowing an even greater hand is there for us all and will not abandon us. 

You are meant to have an unshakable confidence that his hand is truly there. So that when the world brings you its sweet food, you can not only laugh that it suspects you to be so foolish, but you can guide those around you to the true living water, the food that truly satisfies, the love that leads to true fulfillment. 

It won't be easy. The world is a vast place. They will mock you. They will insist it's all make believe. They will desperately cling to the temporary, believing it is all that is valuable, even with their dying breath. As soon as they suspect you will not be moved, they will conjure stronger arguments and batter you down with cunning words.  They will look for your weaknesses and attack when you are feeling tired and worn, hoping to gain ground. Don't mistake their insistence for truth or value. Cling to life and real truth. Hide yourself in him. Wrap your heart in his love. Look to the true healer for salve for your aching heart. You will emerge stronger, mature, with joy and true hope.

And so I pray and so I hope that these words will sink deep. I pray that they sink deep into my own heart. I hope that as you grow and watch me, I only affirm and confirm these truths. Oh give me the strength to confirm these truths. 

Be strong and take heart, dear ones, he has overcome the world and all that strength is also available to you. Let us reach together. 

Amen.

I wrote this during a time of prayer for the children in my life 

who have become very dear to my heart.

He Is With Me

I decided I wanted to be a missionary when I was around seven years old.

I suppose I probably would of wanted to be a missionary at an even younger age but no one had told me about it yet.

My mom took me to a church service where some people were speaking about their trip to China and I was hooked.  Every night I would include prayers for China and missionaries in my bed time prayers.

My dreams were of the traditional missionary.  Traveling to a foreign land, living there long term, starting humanitarian projects, buying orphans from the street venders for a six pence (like Gladys Aylward) and giving them a good home, etc.

As I grew older, my dreams became a little more practical.  I still wanted to be involved in humanitarian aid in an overseas context.  I had the opportunity to finally be working with an organization that allowed me to begin to do what I'd always wanted to do since the time I was a little girl with opportunities to grow and move into other parts of the ministry.

This was a little over six years ago.

Today the song "He Is With Us" by Love & The Outcome came on my radio.  I've heard it many times. (You know how "Christian" radio is.)

I began thinking about those words, "He is with us."

He is with us, not against us.  He is not just looking over us, he is with us.  Present.  Experiencing life with us.

The pain we feel is the pain he feels.  Not just my pain but everyone who exists, has existed, will exist. This is on top of the hurtful things that are directed at him.  The bishop who gives him a bad name.  The professor who claims to be a Christian, but systematically works to prove God is not real to his students.  The man who wants power and influence and uses the pastorate to gain both of those things.

I'm only twenty six years old so I potentially have many more years to be hurt, but the most painful experience of my life was at the hands of a pastor.

My community, my dream, my plans, my stability, my trusting nature, were all robbed from me because of the selfish actions of a pastor.

This is not to say that it's impossible for me to have a new community, new dreams, new plans, new everything, but you understand how difficult that is for a young person to have to lose all of that right?

I've heard it said that there's only two possibilities on the issue of pain: either there is no God or he's a sadist who looks down at our pain and laughs.

I can see it clearly in my mind and I believe with all my heart that as I sat on my bed while my personal world came crashing in, realizing things were not going to work out, trying to come to grips with the fact that I was not only in pain but it was caused by the person I would normally go to for comfort, God was right there crying with me.

My pain was his pain.

Even now when the sting of pain arises in the moments that I feel lonely, the moments I read other people's missionary updates, the moments I hear other people write about their church job, the moments I see other people involved in the ways I wanted to be involved,  the moments I feel like all I can do is question the motives of others, the moments others praise that man, he feels that sting too.

He remembers too.

And he understands in a way that no one else can.  Even someone who has been through the exact situation because no one else can do what he can.

Because he is the only one who felt my pain right along with me.  My own personal pain and the pain of knowing yet another person used the pastorate, a position for a loving servant, for personal gain.

Six years later and I don't harbor unforgiveness, bitterness, or hatred but that sting of pain doesn't just go away.

It doesn't go away for him either.

That is someone I can trust.  Someone I can believe when he says that though it might hurt now, I won't be ruined, that he's holding onto me and is never going to leave.