It's hard to write about grace without sounding a little contradictory, but here goes.
As the oldest child in my family, I fit the oldest child stereotype. Black and white personality, bossy, setting high standards for myself and those around me; basically, I'm not a naturally grace filled person. I also have the tendency to live with disappointment weighing on my heart. I second guess myself and others. It's hard for me to trust, hope, believe, and even love properly in my natural self and through my natural heart.
My mother has always modeled the opposite for me. Not only does she appear to have no struggle with offering grace to people but there seems to be no limit to how much she can take. I remember her coming into the middle of our fights as children and encouraging us to "have grace" for one another. At the time, I supposed that to be "mom talk" for "I'm tired of listening to the screaming" and I'm sure there was a little bit of that behind it. As I've grown and begun to know my mother more as a "person" and less as the authoritative "mom" figure, I can see that there was much more behind it than her desire for peace and quiet.
The thing she values most in life are relationships. Her relationships with her family, with her friends and community, to the world in general. That means more to her than standards or behavior or the need to be right. Because of my mom's great love for us as her children, she offered free grace to us on a daily, sometimes minute by minute, basis. In her wisdom, she knew that we also should learn this lesson that relationships matter and the key to keeping them is grace.
Well my child self didn't necessarily want to have grace for my siblings. My adult self struggles with the same thing.
But there is the problem. The want. The idea that I need to strongly desire giving grace to someone in order to demonstrate it in their life.
Something I've learned in my short 26 years on earth is that grace is a choice to begin with.
Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!
~ Ephesians 2:1-5 NLT
In the midst of being angry, God chose to have grace, because of his love.
In the midst of completely justified anger, God chooses to have grace for me.
I find it hard to have grace in the midst of unjustified disappointment, in the midst of unjustified expectations, in the midst of my unwillingness to understand.
I deem myself judge of the world, of my friends, of myself when in reality I don't have the right or authority to speak up for or against myself or anyone else in the world.
You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature.
The tendency when watching a person head down a destructive path, or just simply a path we don't approve of, is to make two mistakes: first, to assume that their upbringing, background, and experiences are all the same as our's and second, to assume that where they are headed is the result of their own choices.
Neither of those assumptions are true.
I have a hard enough time knowing the ins and outs of my own heart and the exact reason behind how I feel and what I want. How can I begin to believe that I have a firm grasp on that information from someone else?
Paul takes the time to point out that all of us are unconsciously obeying the devil, that he is at work in our hearts, and that we have no other course but to follow the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful or human nature. Not only is it our natural tendency to be this way, but it is what the world preaches as the proper way to live and think. "Follow your heart." "Do what's right for you." "You can be whatever you want to be."
It's coming at us from inside our own hearts and from the outside. From our culture, community, and often from our family and friends.
The path people are on has a lot more involved than choice. Often, where people are in their life has very little to do with their own personal choices.
But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!
God gave us life. He saved us by grace. He chose to give us grace. He didn't save us with an argument. He didn't save us by changing laws. He didn't save us by fighting with us. He didn't save us with hurtful words. He didn't save us by demanding we change our feelings or behavior before we could experience his mercy.
And yet so often, it appears we believe that's what will save someone.
Peruse through the gospels and you won't see Jesus "arguing with sinners", you won't see Jesus running for political office and petitioning for the changing of laws to force people into living righteous lives, you won't see Jesus flinging hurtful words at prostitutes and tax collectors while refusing to make eye contact. Out of everyone in existence, he could have the most right. Not only is Jesus, God made flesh and perfect, he also has the ability to know the hearts and minds of people. If anyone has ever had a right to point fingers and pass judgment on people on earth, it was Jesus. Yet what did Jesus offer? Grace.
God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.
~ John 3:17
Why is our desire to be right, or our desire to uphold a standard of behavior, or our desire to "create a bubble for our children" more important than loving the hurting world where it's at already? The idea that our own will and defiance can control and change the world is founded back in that place where we deemed ourselves the worthy judge of ourselves and the world.
Give that up. Surrender "your right" to judge, to be right, to control. Love. Choose to give grace.
Oh if only we could fully grasp this. That our natural tendency to judge and point fingers cannot be the first course of action but must be replaced with grace, choosing to offer grace despite our feelings.
In the midst of the ups and downs of life and culture I hope I never forget my mother's timeless words.
Have grace for each other.
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