When I was in bible college, I took a psychology class with a sweet professor who had been a therapist for many years. She taught me a lot about the human psyche and because of her I was able to make sense of myself and a lot of people in my life. Her class is one of the few that I remember in detail some twelve years later.
One lesson I learned from her was a bit opposite of what she intended, however, when one day she told us the story of her college aged daughter. She had never had a boyfriend and desperately wanted to get married someday. So her daughter decided to take a whole year off from college and fix her fat body: the one thing standing in her way of true love. The plump-herself-professor applauded her daughter's decision noting that "she has realized that it's really hard for men to look past an unattractive exterior."
Ouch.
Especially for me.
Me, a fat woman sitting in her class, having to listen about how appalling we are to men. Listening to my fat teacher talk about how no one could love her fat daughter and inferring how it must be a struggle for her own husband to love her despite her fat body. Watching the young men in my class be taught that it's okay (even natural?) to judge women or be "hung up" about their weight.
So much ouch.
At 18 years old, I wasn't brave enough to speak up in class. (Although, you can bet your bottom dollar I would have some strong words to say at 30!) There was, however, something inside of me that knew it was a bunch of bullshit.
Pause your entire life to lose weight? Manipulating your body size in order to attract men is more important than anything else a college aged woman could be pursuing?
Did not sit well with me at. all.
I made a decision in my heart right then and there that I would never put anything off because I'm fat.
Men can't be attracted to me as a fat woman? Who cares. There are so many other great things in life that can take up my time rather than men.
And do you know what happened all those years in my twenties as a totally fat woman?
I travelled the world. I applied for any job I wanted and was accepted for all of them. I attended universities, taking classes necessary for a degree and some just to learn something new. I made friends all over the globe who love me for who I am. I held sweet orphan babies in China and stayed up late girl talking with refugee teenagers in Thailand. I went on a good number of first dates and "dated" a handful of men. I fell in love. I had my heart broken. I met my husband and got married. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and have the cutest sweetest baby. I moved across the country. I went to the beach and the pool countless times in a bathing suit and had so much fun and splashed my insecurity away. I got dressed up and dolled up and went out or had my picture taken. I swam laps, did hours of cardio, weight lifted, ran for the joy of being fit without the goal of a dress size. I literally and figuratively climbed mountains!
I never waited until I was a certain body size to pursue anything and because of that, I've had a truly wonderful life so far, fat and all.
And you, blog reader, if you've read this far, are equally truly capable just as you are. What do you want in life? Pursue it now! You don't have to wait for something to change about yourself. You certainly don't have to fit some kind of culturally construed idea about what is beautiful and healthy before you can have the experiences and things you want. I promise. Go get your dreams. ❤️
